It’s been a day of turmoil to say the least. Nothing to exciting happened. In fact nothing happened. I sat at home and stared at the big box in the hall that showed Gilmore Girls and wallowed in my emotions.

It fucking sucks that I have to go through this kind of pain again. And yes while I do get the circumstances are totally and completely different from last time, it still sucks you know. No, of course you don’t. Heck, no one knows spare three people that I told. And one person that a little birdie told. -.- But never mind, I honestly don’t give a shit.

I was so close to give it a go, to try the one thing I had lost total trust in. And you choose that moment to come in and shatter that thin sheet of trust I had. And no, I guess this isn’t your fault totally, we did agree on something. But I didn’t expect something like this so soon. For god sake it’s only been 3 fucking weeks.

Sigh. I should stop ranting. Just if you don’t know what I’m talking about please don’t ask okay. I am in no state to elaborate about this now or ever. I just wanna forget it and shove it to the back of my mind. Make it not exist.

I had a long talk to Gav. God, I miss him. It sucks not having your best friend just a phone call away at any moment. But I will concede that some contact is better than none. The one and only person I trust with my life.

I wanna get poly over and done with so that I can leave this country and all the fucked up memories behind and start fresh. With no preconceived notions about how a person is supposed be and supposed to act. Not having to constantly lie about the person I really am just because some people can’t take it. And most importantly not having to look at the people who plague my life with their mere existences.

I know I seem pretty emo and whatnot in the post. I’m just ranting. Too many things have screwed up over the weekends and I just want to get all this crap off my chest. It’s my fucking blog and I will say what I want to say.